Public humiliation packaged as motivation has always been entertainment first, help second.
What really lands is the dignity piece. Most people struggling with money are already harsh on themselves. Yelling does not create clarity, it creates paralysis. Shame makes people smaller. Smaller people do not make better decisions.
I also appreciate how you name survivorship bias without turning it into an academic lecture. It is not that discipline does not matter. It is that lives are complex, and pretending otherwise lets the loudest voices profit off other people’s confusion.
This reads like someone who has actually been inside financial struggle and came out with empathy instead of superiority. That matters.
I’m pretty sure I discovered Jeremy Schneider’s Personal Finance Club through YNAB awhile back, and while Jeremy’s success story is an anomaly, and we’re living in a drastically different economy and financial landscape now, I do appreciate his approach to money. No shame, just “live below your means” and “invest early and often” which, like YNAB, is just clear, smart, and approachable when you’re feeling ready to save (tho it gets harder and harder these days!!) He also doesn’t make you feel dumb for not knowing how to invest! Very un-techbro 😂
"But I didn’t know. I had to learn. And I’m grateful I found a community that preserved my dignity instead of profiting off my shame."
THIS. Yes, I didn't know either. And yes, I also had to learn. And thank goodness I found the right place to learn. Not before I spent years drawing up more and more austere spreadsheets while an internal voice screeched at me telling me if I could just focus/work harder at it/be better I could make a debt free life happen. Gosh, even writing that shows me how YNAB has enabled me to grow. Because becoming debt free was a huge - HUGE - milestone, but what I like about my money vibes these days is that I'm at peace with money.
Hooray for dealing with money with self-compassion, dignity and empowerment.
It's something I really became aware of over the last year. I've always disliked (hated) how Ramsey and his ilk approached money but somehow even personalities who wouldn't agree with Ramsey on anything else have happily copied his disdain for people LOOKING FOR HELP. It's gross.
Loved this take on the performative meanness in finance content. The Maury Povich comparison nails it btw, same exploitative energy just diferent packaging. I tried following one of those 'harsh truth' channels last year and it made me avoid checking my accounts entirely, which obivously defeats the purpose. The survivorship bias framing especially clicked for me since what works at scale 0.01% gets sold as universal wisdom.
That's a great way of describing it – the "exploitative energy." I have seen people skillfully have hard conversations with people about money but it's done in the service of helping them, without adding an extra layer of entertainment outrage.
Great comment, and appreciate you sharing how the specific channel you followed actually led to NOT checking your accounts. Thanks for reading.
So true!! I just did a low-buy January where I had some specific things I pre-decided were ok - like eating out 1x/week with my hubby, a shirt I've been patiently waiting for on a brand's BST, etc. And some things that weren't - coffee out alone (ok if it was with someone else), lunches out, and so forth. It was a way to wake up to the mindless spending I'd been doing. It was semi-hard at the beginning. I mean, starting strong always feels good, right? And then got harder in the middle. But I was seeing results. I was enjoying opening up YNAB to track where we were vs gingerly opening to see what happened.
Wins were being able to roll with the punches on some unexpected house costs (sewer issues...ew) and to stay under budget on our food expenses. It was really empowering! Not perfect, but really effective. I also renamed my budget groups to Taylor Swift lyrics to change things up a bit. And set some smaller goals.
Definitely attest that shaming myself hasn't helped to this point but cheering myself on and being kind has really worked nicely 🫶
This is so true - “No one needs content that feeds the harsh voice already living in their head.” I’ve beat myself up and contended often with negative self talk regarding money, debt, spending, and not saving for the future.
Your article is such an encouragement and reminder that I’m no longer shaming myself.
They have to overcompensate for not knowing how to help you actually make more actual money. 🙃
Money is like water, it’s infinite. But they only know how to teach you how to build and optimize your sink for better saving. They don’t know how—or can’t because it exceeds their licensing scope—to teach you how to turn on your own sovereign faucet.
As the financial coaching bubble continues to burst, expect them to double down on their shame and pathologization.
This is really important, "When people feel humiliated or like failures, they lose confidence in their ability to help themselves. They start craving authority – someone successful, maybe even someone willing to punish them a little.". Especially if the metric we use to define success is skewed or unrealistic.
Public humiliation packaged as motivation has always been entertainment first, help second.
What really lands is the dignity piece. Most people struggling with money are already harsh on themselves. Yelling does not create clarity, it creates paralysis. Shame makes people smaller. Smaller people do not make better decisions.
I also appreciate how you name survivorship bias without turning it into an academic lecture. It is not that discipline does not matter. It is that lives are complex, and pretending otherwise lets the loudest voices profit off other people’s confusion.
This reads like someone who has actually been inside financial struggle and came out with empathy instead of superiority. That matters.
I’m pretty sure I discovered Jeremy Schneider’s Personal Finance Club through YNAB awhile back, and while Jeremy’s success story is an anomaly, and we’re living in a drastically different economy and financial landscape now, I do appreciate his approach to money. No shame, just “live below your means” and “invest early and often” which, like YNAB, is just clear, smart, and approachable when you’re feeling ready to save (tho it gets harder and harder these days!!) He also doesn’t make you feel dumb for not knowing how to invest! Very un-techbro 😂
"But I didn’t know. I had to learn. And I’m grateful I found a community that preserved my dignity instead of profiting off my shame."
THIS. Yes, I didn't know either. And yes, I also had to learn. And thank goodness I found the right place to learn. Not before I spent years drawing up more and more austere spreadsheets while an internal voice screeched at me telling me if I could just focus/work harder at it/be better I could make a debt free life happen. Gosh, even writing that shows me how YNAB has enabled me to grow. Because becoming debt free was a huge - HUGE - milestone, but what I like about my money vibes these days is that I'm at peace with money.
Hooray for dealing with money with self-compassion, dignity and empowerment.
And hooray for your accomplishments and your growth!
It's something I really became aware of over the last year. I've always disliked (hated) how Ramsey and his ilk approached money but somehow even personalities who wouldn't agree with Ramsey on anything else have happily copied his disdain for people LOOKING FOR HELP. It's gross.
Loved this take on the performative meanness in finance content. The Maury Povich comparison nails it btw, same exploitative energy just diferent packaging. I tried following one of those 'harsh truth' channels last year and it made me avoid checking my accounts entirely, which obivously defeats the purpose. The survivorship bias framing especially clicked for me since what works at scale 0.01% gets sold as universal wisdom.
That's a great way of describing it – the "exploitative energy." I have seen people skillfully have hard conversations with people about money but it's done in the service of helping them, without adding an extra layer of entertainment outrage.
Great comment, and appreciate you sharing how the specific channel you followed actually led to NOT checking your accounts. Thanks for reading.
So true!! I just did a low-buy January where I had some specific things I pre-decided were ok - like eating out 1x/week with my hubby, a shirt I've been patiently waiting for on a brand's BST, etc. And some things that weren't - coffee out alone (ok if it was with someone else), lunches out, and so forth. It was a way to wake up to the mindless spending I'd been doing. It was semi-hard at the beginning. I mean, starting strong always feels good, right? And then got harder in the middle. But I was seeing results. I was enjoying opening up YNAB to track where we were vs gingerly opening to see what happened.
Wins were being able to roll with the punches on some unexpected house costs (sewer issues...ew) and to stay under budget on our food expenses. It was really empowering! Not perfect, but really effective. I also renamed my budget groups to Taylor Swift lyrics to change things up a bit. And set some smaller goals.
Definitely attest that shaming myself hasn't helped to this point but cheering myself on and being kind has really worked nicely 🫶
Loved reading this, Joan! Paying attention + being flexible… Not something that comes easily around money.
This is so true - “No one needs content that feeds the harsh voice already living in their head.” I’ve beat myself up and contended often with negative self talk regarding money, debt, spending, and not saving for the future.
Your article is such an encouragement and reminder that I’m no longer shaming myself.
They have to overcompensate for not knowing how to help you actually make more actual money. 🙃
Money is like water, it’s infinite. But they only know how to teach you how to build and optimize your sink for better saving. They don’t know how—or can’t because it exceeds their licensing scope—to teach you how to turn on your own sovereign faucet.
As the financial coaching bubble continues to burst, expect them to double down on their shame and pathologization.
Love this column, Dan. I literally never thought of it this way - that all the meanness is counter productive.
This is really important, "When people feel humiliated or like failures, they lose confidence in their ability to help themselves. They start craving authority – someone successful, maybe even someone willing to punish them a little.". Especially if the metric we use to define success is skewed or unrealistic.