I needed this one. We live pay cheque to pay cheque despite a couple years of using YNAB. And I just feel like an absolute failure. I’m also a toxic online shopper when depressed, somehow thinking shopping will solve my money problems 🫣🙄 I’m a perfectionist with toxic thinking. I also had to go into debt to get through two maternity leaves… I’m basically just raised my hands in the air and concluded my finances will always be a problem until I win the lottery or magically get paid more. (Started a new job recently with a potential for a raise in the near future if I can razzle dazzle) so… a girl can dream
Nobody's perfect, especially with money, especially when there are industries that operate with psychologically and technologically sophisticated methods to constantly get you to spend money. I do unhelpful and counterproductive things when I'm feeling low as well. I'm sorry that you've been having a hard go of it, and hoping you don't feel like a failure for much longer. Living paycheck-to-paycheck may not be where you want to stay, but I'm sure you have been learning and improving your money skills over the last few years with YNAB. And you've been prioritizing your health and your family with maternity leaves. Lots of hard things!
Hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself. You're trying.
This was an excellent read Dan. As someone who is a first generation immigrant and grew up poor, I can relate to this a lot. I always set big goals for investing and saving each year and it gets stressful. Having the ability to recognize that there are many factors outside of my control is a step in the right direction. Thanks for sharing!
I constantly struggle with money.it's good for a while then it's not good. then I'm hard on myself. My savings are less than $500 and I feel that this year I need to fix my spending to as little as possible. Right now I'm sick and have already lost one day of work. My hours are only 16 hrs a month, so every day I miss is a day with no money coming in.
This sounds really stressful, Karen. It's hard to operate in such a tight space. I hope you know you're doing the best you can.
Hang in there, and I hope you're able to take care of your mental and physical health during this period. Please reach out to YNAB support if you need any help, and I'll mention that my friend Erin who is a senior educator here at YNAB has a lot of wisdom and experience to share on the subject: https://www.ynab.com/blog/the-toughest-question-we-get-in-live-classes (hope this is helpful)
I... have no words. I'm 57, and I feel like this describes me for most of my adult life. I manage our finances (31 years married) and I'm constantly beating myself up, even though we're in a pretty good position right now (not great, not perfect, not where we should be, but better than a lot of people). I think I just proved your point.
Oh Dan, I needed to hear these words: "remember that money is not (and never was!) a test of your character"
This weekend I was chided for a $700 spending mistake that I made in 1987 (in 1987!!). I was shocked, hurt, furious. How can this one thing from 39 years ago be how my family judges me? I'm upset with myself for even caring. I've been imperfect yet competent with money - always learning.
I enjoy your newsletter quite a lot; I started reading after meeting you at MN FanFest.
To help you put that behind you, I was born in 1987! Please don't beat yourself up over decisions that are my age and ignore people who try to bring it up! You've learned and will always be improving!
YNAB is such a perfect playground for my perfectionist brain, but that's a blessing and a curse. When I've got my dollars all snug in their categories, I find it hard to live by Hannah's Rule #3. I'd love to get much better at rolling with those inevitable punches this year, especially as a new homeowner where the punches seem to really pile up!
It is hard to live by rolling with the punches! I still "prefer" when a month of spending largely adheres to the plan I set at the beginning of the month. Even though I know it doesn't mean that the month was "better" or even that I was any better at handling my money. Our money is meant for whatever priorities emerge, and that's the amazing thing about a pile of money – that it can be put towards whatever we want.
But I think there's some kind of psychological hook that gets set when we are "saving" for something and the money gets used elsewhere.
My 'new car' fund is definitely the category that gets pillaged every month! Meanwhile: "Our money is meant for whatever priorities emerge..." Man, it's so simple and yet... YES. Shifting my mindset to this already makes a difference.
I needed this one. We live pay cheque to pay cheque despite a couple years of using YNAB. And I just feel like an absolute failure. I’m also a toxic online shopper when depressed, somehow thinking shopping will solve my money problems 🫣🙄 I’m a perfectionist with toxic thinking. I also had to go into debt to get through two maternity leaves… I’m basically just raised my hands in the air and concluded my finances will always be a problem until I win the lottery or magically get paid more. (Started a new job recently with a potential for a raise in the near future if I can razzle dazzle) so… a girl can dream
Nobody's perfect, especially with money, especially when there are industries that operate with psychologically and technologically sophisticated methods to constantly get you to spend money. I do unhelpful and counterproductive things when I'm feeling low as well. I'm sorry that you've been having a hard go of it, and hoping you don't feel like a failure for much longer. Living paycheck-to-paycheck may not be where you want to stay, but I'm sure you have been learning and improving your money skills over the last few years with YNAB. And you've been prioritizing your health and your family with maternity leaves. Lots of hard things!
Hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself. You're trying.
This was an excellent read Dan. As someone who is a first generation immigrant and grew up poor, I can relate to this a lot. I always set big goals for investing and saving each year and it gets stressful. Having the ability to recognize that there are many factors outside of my control is a step in the right direction. Thanks for sharing!
I constantly struggle with money.it's good for a while then it's not good. then I'm hard on myself. My savings are less than $500 and I feel that this year I need to fix my spending to as little as possible. Right now I'm sick and have already lost one day of work. My hours are only 16 hrs a month, so every day I miss is a day with no money coming in.
This sounds really stressful, Karen. It's hard to operate in such a tight space. I hope you know you're doing the best you can.
Hang in there, and I hope you're able to take care of your mental and physical health during this period. Please reach out to YNAB support if you need any help, and I'll mention that my friend Erin who is a senior educator here at YNAB has a lot of wisdom and experience to share on the subject: https://www.ynab.com/blog/the-toughest-question-we-get-in-live-classes (hope this is helpful)
I... have no words. I'm 57, and I feel like this describes me for most of my adult life. I manage our finances (31 years married) and I'm constantly beating myself up, even though we're in a pretty good position right now (not great, not perfect, not where we should be, but better than a lot of people). I think I just proved your point.
Oh Dan, I needed to hear these words: "remember that money is not (and never was!) a test of your character"
This weekend I was chided for a $700 spending mistake that I made in 1987 (in 1987!!). I was shocked, hurt, furious. How can this one thing from 39 years ago be how my family judges me? I'm upset with myself for even caring. I've been imperfect yet competent with money - always learning.
I enjoy your newsletter quite a lot; I started reading after meeting you at MN FanFest.
Thx!
To help you put that behind you, I was born in 1987! Please don't beat yourself up over decisions that are my age and ignore people who try to bring it up! You've learned and will always be improving!
What a frustrating thing to be judged for ONE event so long ago. Money is a work-in-progress.
1987 seems like some old data to me!
YNAB is such a perfect playground for my perfectionist brain, but that's a blessing and a curse. When I've got my dollars all snug in their categories, I find it hard to live by Hannah's Rule #3. I'd love to get much better at rolling with those inevitable punches this year, especially as a new homeowner where the punches seem to really pile up!
It is hard to live by rolling with the punches! I still "prefer" when a month of spending largely adheres to the plan I set at the beginning of the month. Even though I know it doesn't mean that the month was "better" or even that I was any better at handling my money. Our money is meant for whatever priorities emerge, and that's the amazing thing about a pile of money – that it can be put towards whatever we want.
But I think there's some kind of psychological hook that gets set when we are "saving" for something and the money gets used elsewhere.
My 'new car' fund is definitely the category that gets pillaged every month! Meanwhile: "Our money is meant for whatever priorities emerge..." Man, it's so simple and yet... YES. Shifting my mindset to this already makes a difference.